How to Waste a Head of Cauliflower

Poor cauliflower. People seem to want you to be something you just aren’t. I’m sure you’re enjoying the limelight as the new paleo/low-cab darling, but someday soon (I hope), the public is going to wake up and realize that life is too short to be eating cauliflower nachos and they should either just eat cauliflower, or just each nachos. Mashed potatoes? No way, mashed cauliflower! Pizza? Nope, cauliflower pizza crust! And it’s always followed by a gushing, “I swear it tastes JUST. LIKE. PIZZA.” (spoiler alert: no, it doesn’t)

But for now, I will succumb and try the most popular of the bastardizations: cauliflower rice. Seemed to be a good application for my brand new food processor. And it’s more of a method than recipe.

1. Chop cauliflower and whiz in food processor.

Side note: I love my new processor. It’s the exciting things in life, eh?

2. Place on baking sheet, bake at 425F (215C) for 10-15 minutes, tossing halfway.

This is a 90cm wide baking sheet – a field of food!

3. Voila…oh. Wait. Where did my food go? That’s it? Once you brush aside all the edge bits that got overcooked, what remains is about a cup of sad little grains from an entire head of cauliflower? I can’t feed 3 people on this!

Banana for scale.

Oh well. Get over it. Let’s give this a taste…it’s got the consistency of rice, but I’m not fooled and decided to poll the household. Husband gave it a thumbs up, maybe I’m wrong. Housekeeper took a bite, and when I said it was supposed to be a rice substitute, she just deadpanned, “it doesn’t taste like rice, it tastes like cauliflower”. Boom.

Jokes aside, it’s fine. You’ll just need multiple pans and multiple heads of cauliflower to feed a family. And that’s a lot of dishes and work for very little nutritive intake.

Yasmin Jeiroudi

Editor & Admin at Moms Talk
aka, Miss Jay
Is a mom to two and wife to one. She knows a little about a lot and is a founding member of the Institute for Overanalysis Paralysis. She enjoys building IKEA furniture, following cookbooks, and taking things apart.
Follow:

Comments

  1. May 11 / 9:52 PM

    This is a topic that’s close to my heart… Beest wishes!

    Where are your contact details though?

Leave a Reply